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The Maxibillionaire Trio The Original Trio of Eccentric Billionaires that started it all. Hailing from Miami FL the trio is known for having very flamboyant style and yet exceptional taste in women. They called Miami home for quite some time, yes, but have sadly gone their separate ways. A full reunion is yet to be seen, although they vow to some day purchase a small island in the middle of no where to hold radical parties of epic proportion.
Net Worth: $ 11.6 Billion |
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Wanton Beasley
Biographie Wanton Eats the Breakfast of Billionaires (Diamond infused Wheaties), and poops himself every time he makes another billion dollars (or even thinks about his billions of dollars for that matter. Balancing his chequebook is extremely difficult. He needs more billionaire product at that time of the month.) He also has a hard time saying the word billion without stuttering on the "B" and nearly, if not actually, puking upon saying the word. He once had a dream about how to
construct the perfect sandwich and has been very passionate about creating
this perfect sandwich since. The tragedy is that he had this dream after
he made his billions of dollars, and everyone knows a billionaire cannot
make their own food. So instead he created numerous sandwich empires such
as Blimpie, Subway, Quiznos and more, but the perfect sandwich was hard to
create without him actually making one as a model. Wanton also enjoys crazy pants, melodramatic Russians, peanut butter and mayonnaise cookies (ask him how!), seasonal candles, Roald Dahl, completely dry socks, licking gummy bears and then throwing them at surfaces, satisfying farts, people with flat tires, tired old people, overstuffed chairs (and Oreos), underwater basket weaving, filling keyholes with $100 bills, clothing made of money, and pillow slips. He has an irrational fear of tiny puddles and Santa Clause (how can someone whip reindeer one second and love children the next?). Net Worth: $ Un-quantified (but somewhere in the billions) |
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Priscilla Cuntingham
Esquire
Owned Haiti and the Dominican Republic in the late 1800s; was a master of the molasses trade (both the sugary substance and the skin type) before alligning with the axes who wanted to give the soon-to-be nations their perilous freedom. Raising the molasses trade in her own country would only sell the nations their dangerous freedom (seriously, whatever happened to Liberia?) as outside guerilla warfare would eventually topple her own self-imposed wealthy fascist regime with a different, still-self-imposed un-wealthy fascist regime. That and the Lace Doilies Industry (created by quality funiture with a weakness for water rings). She is currently looking for an edge in the battle against (and for) AIDS. Made a good billionaire by her concern for the one-eyed newt, that and caramel candy. Net Worth: $ 2.4 Billion |
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Duke LaCross
Biographie Duke LaCrosse who sells babies on the black market, also enjoys riding on swings. He has swing sets made of pure pearl, diamond, and platinum. Duke LaCrosse made his first few millions by investing in stock for the Gideon bible (the one that annoys you every time you look for leftover porn in hotel rooms). His next venture capital involved the pre-recording that stifles you every time you try to leave a message with a douche who doesn't have an actual message recorded ("To leave a message, press 1 or simply wait for the tone. To leave a callback number...press 5 now"). He also invented tampons. And created the false rumor that TSS exists in order to keep his own deluded self worth (and sales) up. Other things he may have had a hand in: Watergate, energy drinks, stubbed toes, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, the Korean War, rust, polyester fabrics, daylight savings time, global warming, the obesity epidemic in America, creamed corn, sticky piano keys, Asian people (4 billion?! and counting ...), bacne, religion's non-belief in birth control ... for retards!, burning shits, Jews-for-Jesus, I-can't-believe-it's-not-butter!, I-can't-believe-they're-not-Jews, greasy remote controls, and lazy eyes. That, and he raped some bitch. Net Worth: $ 2.5 Billion |
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Fhenton Peabody
Created in 1985 by the MBT (Maxabillionaire Trio) to destroy evil billionaires and rat out imposters with his X-RayBillionaire Vision. The Evil billionaires appear as bright red hazes of pure evil as compared to the tried and true ones whom he sees in strong green auras of stupendosity. Non-billionaires (who are everyone else) he sees in grey hazes of unimportance. "How does he weed them out?!" you ask. Only in true Billionaire fashion. By convincing them to invest in doomed enterprises (such as off-off-offshore Florida Real-estate ... or Florida realty that has a humidity of more than 100% and is not Orlando�if you know what I mean� muff muff muff). If he were ever to come within close proximity of the Evil Billionaire, shit would hit the fan, but unfortunately Duke LaCrosse has Polo Cricket � Known as RoBILLIONAIRE Kryptonite! You see since Fhenton is a robot, he only deals in binary. Polo Cricket is his Kryptonite because Polo is a Hermaphrodite! Mwahahahahaha!! Net Worth: $ 1111110110000110100000100010011 |
In his early prototype years |
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Czar Budinski (the
Tsar)
Biographie Czar Budinski was born with a name fit for a Tsar. Of course coming from a family deeply rooted in the old school, the spelling his parents chose is of the old Latin root, which more closely resembles the spelling of Cesar. The Tsar Czar Budinski is a notorious womanizer and gambler. He has faked his own death in several countries and evaded legal charges and angry husbands, only to resurface living in other other gambling meccas. He has been know to be accompanied by a harem of high end call girls and is widely recognized by authorities in Vegas, Bangkok, and Dubai as the "Cellophane King". Other aliases include Lord Budinski, The Slongoyan Power Deuce, and the Modest Mofioso. Csar is often also accompanied by his loyal strong arm Orsen who doubles as his driver in sticky situations. Last seen by authorities in Bangkok, as reported:
Net Worth: "What Billions? I'm 2 Steps Away From a Church Mouse." |
